im lost

i really do not understand lots of things.

doing things that i do not want to, just to make them happy.

i'll would want a simple life.

• have a good family
• hanging out with friends even at night.
• at mostly him

things do not come so easily do they?

darling.
i miss you.
need you by my side so much.
i feel so lost yet i must move on.
exmas are around the corner.
i feel stresser than ever i felt.
lose my temper and all things today.
i tried my very best to compress it down,really.
why am i making my life so hard?i wonder.
life full of rules.

xiyuan, no, u must study.
xiyuan, no, u cant stay up so late.
xiyuan. be a good and obidient girl in school, no messy hair and untidy attire.
xiyuan, no way u can have a bf now.
xiyuan, no..

anyone tell me how much no is there still.
i really cant stand it.
i need a break.

all i want is to be lead the life i want with him, hanging out with friends whenever i want.
not neglecting your feelings, i followed what you asked me to.
u said u know me well. do you?
if you ever read my blog. u will know that you are wrong
but i never wished you read it.
it will definately hurt you.


all i wanted is just freedom and him. is that too much to ask for?
for your sake, i had to lie. i had to treausre the very last thing that i wan which i can hold on to.
i gave up all i wanted, just to be your fream daughter.
yes i might look happy and cheerful.
but do you know that sad things that im not suppose to voice out?
deep down inside, will anybody know?

everything of the everything, i changed because of you 2.
just to dont hurt u 2, i gave up what i want
i know u cared about me.
this is how i shown my gratitude in changing
i've gave in.

what i fear most is loosing him.
what will become of me if i loose him?
don't force me to leave him, please?

whenever in my dreams everything seems so sweet.
but there's always time to wake up.

-xy-
xy miss him